meus intuitus

disconcerting

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Her anxiety on the day she left for Europe was disconcerting. She made lists for herself of things to do, was unproductive, and drank wine to self-medicate her anxiety. She seriously violated my attempts at setting boundaries as I had made plans that night to see friends, which she pressured me enough to make me late for. This is on top of a general tendency to self-medicate with opiates, benzos, alcohol, and stimulants. She admits to feeling addicted to Adderal and she has trouble stopping the usage of this. She experiences chronic back pain. She also has occasional episodes of unreasonable anger such as when I cut my hair to a style she dislikes. She has a tendency towards relational selfishness as she monologues and emotionally dumps. She becomes angry when I set limits about this.

I am someone who tends to put the needs of others ahead of mine. As such, writing this is an attempt at clarity–to see through the fog.

This is my promise to myself: I will make no long-term commitments (pets, cohabitation, marriage) to this woman if these issues are not resolved.

  • Her self-medication with controlled substances and alcohol ends
  • She becomes more diplomatic in her approach to conflict and slower to anger
  • She emotionally dumps on me less than once a month
  • I feel a genuine sense of optimism that I currently lack
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Written by meusintuitus

August 27, 2016 at 3:09 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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