meus intuitus

Archive for December 2014

Arroz con Gandules

leave a comment »

So I’m at a Puerto Rican lunch counter joint replete with possible Puerto Ricans and want to order some “arroz con gandules” (rice with pidgeon peas) as recommended by a PR coworker. Do I say “arroz con gandules” with the accent that I am somewhat capable of, “arroz con gandules” with a deliberately American accent just to avoid sounding like that guy who over-pronounces foreign words I mean I know I speak some Spanish but nobody else knows that and god forbid anyone thinks I‘m trying too hard, “rice with pidgeon peas” and risk not being understood (I can’t seem to find it on the menu, I was just told to order “arroz con gandules” and what if they don’t know that we call gandules “pidgeon peas” I mean I only just learned that pidgeon peas and gandules were a thing myself a few hours ago), “rice with peas” and risk getting an entirely different kind of pea from the one I want, or maybe I should’ve filled that script for klonopin because all this ruminating is sounding a lot like an anxiety disorder after all.

Advertisements

Written by meusintuitus

December 25, 2014 at 12:19 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

nah

leave a comment »

New Yorkers are a lot like me. There are people unlike me but also a lot of people a lot like me.

Written by meusintuitus

December 14, 2014 at 8:23 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Manhattan

leave a comment »

Manhattan paradoxically evokes within me a sense of simultaneous isolation and community. Never have I been so anonymous, but rarely have I felt so a part of an enormity.

Written by meusintuitus

December 13, 2014 at 7:03 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

peak experience 12FR1214

leave a comment »

A million lives, crossing, swirling, striving, wanting. A sea of disparate intention. The intersection below, the people scurrying about with the importance of black ants. The yellow taxis slipping amidst one another. A honk, a shout, and the ever persistent hum of it all. I look in a window to my left, a young man of average build slumped in a tan couch watching TV. His living space is nicely put together and appears comfortable, I think to myself. I look in a window to my right, a man with his laptop on his lap, the blue glow of a retina/LCD giving his face a cold glow. I look in the window above him, lights are on, but nobody is visible. I look up again, dark windows before another light one, this one with a diorama partitioned by the bars of vertical blinds. The hum of the city persists, it fills me, I inhale gladly the sea of disparate intention.

Written by meusintuitus

December 12, 2014 at 8:12 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

peak experience 11TH1214

leave a comment »

Code: G0R1S

I… Remember… Shouting, and my son had to hold me and stop me and when he did that I… Peed myself, I’ve never done anything like that before. I was screaming… GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN, GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN. My family had to hold me down, you remember the bruises. I used to be such a caring and giving person and now I’m in here looking out (looks out window)… I never thought I would be this… Crazy person.

Can I offer you something? I still think you’re an incredibly caring and giving person and you’re definitely not crazy.

Thank you, gorgeous… I used to be so close to god, I used to be so high on god. Now I’m just… empty.

It sounds like it came pretty easy–Is spirituality supposed to be easy?

No not always, it’s just that I feel so alone. I’m in a… a dark place. I don’t feel him there.

Just because you don’t feel him there does it mean he’s not?

No of course I know he’s always there… I’m just… I’m just suffering so much. There’s just so much suffering…

Is there any meaning in suffering?

…no. My life used to have so much meaning. I mean, it still does. I have my family, my children… I just feel meaningless.

Can I offer you a thought? At least to me meaning isn’t just what happens to us but how we face it and I think you are doing a wonderful job.

Thank you gorgeous.

(Can we bring meaning to these terrifying experiences our patients have? How? Or should we?)

Written by meusintuitus

December 12, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Posted in Uncategorized