meus intuitus


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She was starting to let me in and our conversations were actually good, but there was an intense edge to he that was hard to be around. She did like control and I felt it a little—her working on my memory, my diet, her disapproval of my smoking was understandable but henpecking so early on is a red flag. She was also very entitled. It was my job to impress her and I sensed that she took certain things for granted. I remember her rigidity, the anger about the hippo, the anger when I showed my intelligence to her sister’s boyfriend, the impatience palpable over text messages as she ignored certain questions, the way she snapped “SHOES OFF,” “SIT DOWN,” and “DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME”, the controlling glances, the way she resisted my kiss at EZoo. Remember how she couldn’t do anything without scheduling it far in advance, how she couldn’t even meet for a little after call just to see one another. Remember the resistance to trying new things. Remember her anger at different ideas. Remember her triumphant gloat about analog maps when google maps wasn’t working well for me—being right is a matter of pride for her and that’s an unsustainable game for me. Remember how she would judge me harshly based on what I remembered about her or not. Remember how distant her texts were. Maybe I was a good fit for her, I could make her laugh, chill her out, but she was not a good fit for me. There are a lot of things that she did that could have been forgivable. I get it if girls want guys to remember things about them, but I also value a sense of humor and some flexibility. She was dead serious and kept points about things I did for her or remembered about her and that’s not cool.

I don’t blame her. There are reasons why she is however she is. Deep down though she is a funny, genuine, and sensitive girl. I am going to miss that her, but I can’t help that she wasn’t my style. I care, but I can’t change her and I accept that. There are some things within my control and others that are not.


Written by meusintuitus

September 16, 2014 at 4:42 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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