meus intuitus

Track Record

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It’s interesting. The way Jennifer approaches relationships is so different from mine. She takes things very slowly both emotionally and physically, gets to know people over months, probably watching for consistency all the while. I don’t know if this is how she handled her past relationships, but she has a track record of two three-four year relationships. One of them was even with someone very very different from her.

Me on the other hand, I have historically been all about the passion and the infatuation. That is pretty typical for first loves, but my first also had Borderline Personality Disorder so even though we dated for some 18 months we never had a chance to mature beyond a chaotic infatuation. Additionally I have my own issues with rumination and borderline-spectrum traits. Our relationship was an ongoing storm of getting together and breaking apart—of crisis and infatuation. With that as my trait and formative romance it’s no wonder that I’ve never been able to form a mature and stable relationship. My relationship with Dani was all passion, with Vivian was a mess, a few casual encounters…

I have a lot to learn. Jennifer has already taught me so much. She’s not perfect, but she’s smart, confident, hot, and, perhaps most importantly, consistent. Ambivalence is normal. Imperfection is normal. Not knowing where you’re going is normal. Trying to predict and forecast every step of the way is destructive. I’m going to do my best to relax for this journey wherever it takes me.


Written by meusintuitus

August 26, 2014 at 12:36 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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