meus intuitus

reflections

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Such times. Such times. I have changed so much that I hardly recognize who I used to be. My lonely blog is a testament to this. Before, I would ruminate, despair, vent, laugh, share, scream, and vent. Now, I live. My self-esteem is through the roof. My mind state is still chaos, but I have more control of it. I used to spend my days tossed around by my moods. My productivity would live or die by my moods. These days, I whip and correct my ever-wandering moods. I still have ups and downs, but I have so much more perspective and ability to moderate them.

What did it? Who were my teachers this year? There was my time with V.C.—a catalyst in the form of emotional and existential devastation. There were readings—the resolution of existential crisis and the beauty of stoicism. There were experiences—two months in Guatemala and four months flying around the United States, seeing and imagining life in distant places. There was some self-directed psycho-education—splitting, emptiness, paranoid ideation, a diagnosis that fit me all too well. There were my friends—never knowing how many lessons my fragile self gleaned from them; their constancy has been critical this year.

My mind may never stop bucking, but I am learning to ride the beast.

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Written by meusintuitus

February 11, 2014 at 5:25 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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