meus intuitus

nicole

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Thanks.  Our time together was divine—so free of drama, so honest, so mutual.  I am not the one for you and you are not the one for me, but we were clear about that.  You catalyzed a change in me—the second major one in the last six months.  I am shredding my illusions and pathologies.  I am becoming more confident, more realistic.  Beneath it all, I am still… me, but I have this powerful sense that I am becoming someone more in control of his destiny, more capable, less a victim, more a man.

There were several fantasies that I have held for years—some a few, another almost half a decade.  I was trapped before, so trapped in these fantasies.  Yet my years of imprisonment were not for naught, for it was in those years that I cultivated a deep sense of who I am.  What has happened in the last six months, months where I dared to wander out from the safety of my prison, is that I have increased my ability to actualize.  I can now take all of my cultivated ideals and employ them more fully than I could ever have dreamed.

This is not to say that I am cured.  At the end of the day, a part of me will always be neurotic and obsessive.  However, if I stay disciplined, I will be able to use these traits to some advantage.

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Written by meusintuitus

March 21, 2013 at 9:40 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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