meus intuitus

Vivian (revisited)

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Maybe this is unwise.

I heard—twice now, first from Pranay, then from Ronnaldo (asking if I knew you)—that you are going to Guatemala.  Not that my opinion has any value, but I think it fantastic.  Ronnaldo is great isn’t he?

Somewhere along my way before I met you, I lost something essential—Gratitude?  Appreciation?  Love?  Gone.  I carried in my mind broken ideals and in my heart a venomous contempt for the world and its people.  My nadir was a black existential depression just this December.  What does a man live for if he despises every aspect of the creation that is before him?

Dao.  Vivianism.  I’ve since made some progress towards a more wholesome path.  I’m not wholly there, but the world is brighter now than before.  Thank you for seeding one of my life’s most profound changes in perspective.  I hope you are well.  I’m glad that you seem to be.

Of course I know now that I was less than half the man I thought myself to be.  I am actually quite ordinary, I realize.  It’s a relief really.

I wonder, now, if we were to meet, what you would read in my gaze.  As I recall, you were terrifyingly perceptive and I do not feel entirely like the man I once was.


Written by meusintuitus

February 13, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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