meus intuitus

fathers and facebook

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I just called my dad.  We haven’t always had the greatest relationship—toxic during my childhood, really.  However, I am older and more understanding now; and he is older and more temperate.  We talked about the family, how people are doing, I told him about my recent dating life, he made awkward offers about subsidizing my housing so I can be more desirable to women.  Later, upon saying goodbye, I said “I love you.”  He said, “I love you more.  I’m really glad you called.”  I love you more… I had not heard those words in perhaps a decade.  “More” revealed to me an affectionate appreciation that had not been warranted in many years.  Through the divorce, through undergraduate, through a decade and a half of misunderstanding and hurt—from bickerings about visitation, to my having to endure hundreds of recountings of the divorce resentments, to his banishment from my university graduation because it would offend my mother—we have emerged.  “I love you more” was something said in my childhood years in those cherishable moments—moments where my childhood affection came free, untainted by years of emotional toxicity.  I have not been a good son.  Chiefly, I never call.  However, tonight, he felt appreciated, he felt acknowledged, he felt like my father.

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Written by meusintuitus

January 29, 2013 at 6:43 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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