meus intuitus

fated misery

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Guilt weighs heavily on my conscience today, but there was no way for me to know that things would play out as they did.  I was genuinely uncertain—plagued by self-doubt, loneliness, and lust.  In the end it came down to the realization that I was not interested in her, but the things she gave to me.

There is no right or wrong in life.  Life just is—I tell myself.  She happened to be one who gives too easily and who becomes eternally attached once someone sparks her affections.  Should I not have taken all that was given so readily and rejected her without giving her consideration?  I felt something might have been amiss, but decided let’s give it a whirl why don’t we.  While it is my most automatic tendency, it really is not my job to ensure the happiness of others.  At the end of the day, this was just another attempt that didn’t work out.  All is fair in love and war.

On further consideration, it’s only been two months… Certainly, I am not without blame, but there are issues here that were completely unforeseeable and outside of my control.  The perfect psychological storm for complete catastrophe.  It is not wrong to be honest with myself—the intent is not harm, but a reunion with integrity.  It is not wrong to have made a mistake.

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Written by meusintuitus

November 7, 2012 at 10:16 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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