meus intuitus

Archive for September 2011

suffer

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“I want to suffer a little.”  A curious thing that a colleague of mine said at lunch today.  It struck me not only because it was odd and profound, but also because I held a similar sentiment—only worded differently.  In both of us is a dissatisfaction with the lavish comforts of our lives.  He voiced a willingness to practice ungodly hours (say eighty or more) for at least a fraction of his career.  I want to practice medicine in the third world.  In both these paths, there is discomfort, hardship, challenge.  Challenge and purpose—thinking about it this way, it no longer surprises me that there are many others who want to suffer.

Suffering purposefully—to suffer for a purpose.  It appeals to the romantic in me.

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September 21, 2011 at 9:20 pm

i hate this school

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This curriculum is crap.  I wish I were at a different medical school.

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September 21, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Posted in expression

this eight billion

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It’s a mixed sentiment–between nostalgia for the life I used to have and a universal empathic melancholy for the lives we all lead in parallel.  As I sit here filling my mind with factoids and driving myself ever closer to my limits, there are hundreds of my friends and acquaintances slowly making their way through their lives as well.  Beyond them, even…  Globally there are billions of us sharing this exact moment in time—all equally oblivious to one another, all equally immersed in this experience we call life.  Or perhaps there are a few out there, at this very moment, who are not oblivious.  Perhaps there are a few others, at this very moment, who are also taking a minute to step out of the slipstream to appreciate… to feel.  I am certain they are there and I consider them my dearest companions in this moment.

In a short 80 years there will be a new eight billion on this planet.  I am excited for them.  Life is such a rich and wonderful thing.

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September 6, 2011 at 9:17 pm

bonds stretched thin

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There are a lot of people that I am losing touch with from my undergraduate years.  It’s so incredibly easy to allow myself to be immersed in this process.  I’m such a different person now in such a different life.  I need to make more of an effort.

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September 6, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Posted in expression

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in defense of facebook

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On facebook, the things we say and do not say, the things we share and do not share, the pictures and profile infomration we do or do not publicize—they all say things about us.  If you look at someone’s facebook profile and pay attention not only to what they do share, but also what they omit, you can learn a few things about them.  Do they publicize a relationship status of “single?”  I would surmise that “single” publishers are, as a cohort, less comfortable with their independence than people who omit relationship statuses altogether.  Do they write a wealth of information about their view of themselves in their profile?  I would peg such persons to be a bit insecure—that they do not have enough confidence in the implications of their daily lives—so they tell people how they want to be viewed.  The incredible (and simultaneously awful) thing that facebook has done is make people’s psyches much more visible.

We are all quite familiar with those poor souls who publicize their every move—those who are always reaching through your newsfeed in hopes for some validation.  I encourage you to be gentle with your judgments—because all they want is what all of us need from time to time:  To be told, explicitly or implicitly, “hey man, you know what?  You’re alright.  You’re not crazy.  You’re not the Dos Equis guy either, but you do some cool things sometimes.  You’re alright, man.”

When it comes down to it, facebook is not the problem.  The problem is what the problem always has been:  People—all the filters in the world will not save you from the judgments, opinions, and insecurities of other people.

I know it is both easy and fashionable to hate on facebook, but I really came to appreciate something today.  Facebook has helped me to not just maintain, but genuinely enjoy certain connections I have made—connections that, in another time, would have been broken with a loss of proximity.  On this note, I declare that it is wholly worth it—to wade through the refuse of human psychology for a chance to share, joke, and laugh with people you really do enjoy and care about.

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September 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm