meus intuitus

Archive for February 2011

little bugger

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I’m on break now and…

“MOM, REMIND ME TOMORROW MORNING THAT IT’S WHACKY SOCKS DAY!” -my eight year old brother shouting in the hall

Hahaha, and then there’s me all grown-up, dissecting cadavers, and writing introspective blogs and stuff. Life is so goofy.

Written by meusintuitus

February 28, 2011 at 6:17 pm

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lessons

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the life gone
the body preserved
then exposed, cleaned, and flayed

the smell of formalin dissipates from my pores
but

the lessons remain

musculoskeletal
metaphysical
existential

and like any good lecture
i am left with more questions than answers

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February 27, 2011 at 6:25 pm

uncertainty

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There is a lot of certainty in medicine.  Though there is more that we do not understand, the immensity of what little we do understand imparts unto us physicians (in training) a certain confidence—in our knowledge, in our selves, in the scientific method.

Certainty haunts me.  The certainty of my mortality haunts me.  We live, we die, and that’s it.  It’s a dreadful thing—to hold as certain that one day you will be nothing, that you will cease to be.  This has been troubling me a great deal in these last few days.

I’ve been doing some reading about near death experiences.  Doing so has reminded me of the virtue of uncertainty.

Across countries, continents, cultures, near death experiences manifest in similar ways:  A crossing, a light, an unearthly feeling of understanding, meaning, joy, absolution, compassion, love, and much more even than these.  Those who have died voice that they can not do their experience justice with words.  More concretely, near death experiences present with inexplicable consciousnesses—people able to recall perfectly the happenings and dialogue of the medical procedure room while they were brain dead.  Out of body experience.

Nonsense?  The rationalist in me wants to explain away such accounts of near death experiences as mere hallucinations—self-stimulated dreams of the afterlife in the comatose state.  Yet, how does this rationalist know?  Has this rationalist died and experienced the nothing that is his death?  No.  The only foundation for his certainty is presumption.  Atheistic, scientific, existential hubris.

Though there is much that we humans have learned in our world, there is infinitely more that we do not know.  We must remember this.  We must be humble.

“No God” and “no afterlife” is just as grounded in faith as Yahweh, Jesus, and Cthulhu.  Atheism denies the existence of God.  Atheism commits the very sin that it denounces:  Certainty of the uncertain.  I suppose that I am agnostic, but agnostic carries a cold connotation—a sort of academic uncertainty in the concept of God.  This is not my agnosticism.

Mine is a deep, spiritual, and hopeful uncertainty.  It is in this warm uncertainty that I find solace now.

It feels nice… knowing that there is no knowing.

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February 16, 2011 at 8:10 pm

minds think alike

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I did a little browsing today—specifically, the worldpress “poetry” blog feed.  My browsings there made me realize just how human people are.  People are so superficial on the day-to-day basis. These blogs, though—so many unassuming, unvisited, and magnificently expressive blogs—they have shown me another side of people.  I—We are not alone after all.  Egoistic of me to feel like I was.  Thanks, worldpress.

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February 10, 2011 at 7:51 pm

mortalis

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a sliver in time
impossibly small
a mind in space
improbable

of all the persons that could have been, all the thoughts that today could be

I am
mine are

nothing in eternity
yet everything currently
we are

eighty years give or take
to breathe, to dream, to see, to feel, to do, to laugh, to hope, to heal
to love

to die

students today
cadavers tomorrow

one must learn before one can teach

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February 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm

it’s getting crazy so go go go

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This musculoskeletal bloc is really starting to take off.  I need to cultivate some motivation.  Distractions uninstalled.  Productivity maximize.  Eat well, exercise regularly, and sleep early because we’re going full speed every hour every day.  Let’s do this.

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February 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm

155 complainers

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Our curriculum is new. Giving the administration feedback about what works and what does not is important.  Whining throughout the entire process is not.  I have done too much whining myself in these last months.

Bitch is a revolting character trait. I vow to embody it less. I will constructively critique the curriculum as needed, but I will not dwell on the points of critique, I will not bitch, I will not whine.

Written by meusintuitus

February 6, 2011 at 6:23 am