meus intuitus

bitter black eyes

leave a comment »

Gazing into a mirror, I looked upon eyes that stared back, narrowed and irritated. They resented the bonds shared by those around them–bonds that they were not a part of. They felt that their hours focused upon research, study, and ambition had left them with a life, unconnected. They were alone. Yet, they would have their black salvation. As the fists clenched, bitterly, the eyes turned to the horizon and saw a future of praise, wealth, and solitude.

Such is the current state of my mind; a state that I would consider a partial delusion. For this mood is not consistent with the reality of my current life; I have not been without camaraderie in these past few days. Yet, this mood must have arisen from something. I wonder, then, what is the reality behind this delusion of despair?

I wonder if this mood might have something to do with our general (human) inability to be understood. That is, despite our longing to be understood, we can never truly understand ourselves, let alone be understood by others. In joy and in suffering, no other can truly know what we are experiencing; indeed, empathy is the closest one can come to understanding another. Empathy, being an understanding with the acknowledgment of the uniqueness of another’s experience–understanding with the admission that we do not fully understand.

Even those who spend decades together do not understand their partners, entirely. There are always parts of us that remain in the shadows. Even in love, a part of us is alone.


Written by meusintuitus

March 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Posted in contemplation

Tagged with , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: